It’s not that hard to say “sorry”

It used to be hard, a long time ago when I couldn’t pronounce the words, so I wrote letters to express how I feel.

Weird thing, I just remembered that, I think my mind was not allowing me to access that memory for a long long time and I now I just remember putting that letter in the Bible to apologize to my mom.

I don’t remember why I wanted to apologize and couldn’t.

But I know that I wrote a letter.

***

Sometimes we hurt people.

We don’t really want to, we do it unintentionally. And yet we hurt those people. Maybe they haven’t done anything wrong to us, maybe they have, but our hurt is on us.

Saying “sorry” won’t change the deed, but it’s a step into something better. Into the space after that bad thing you did and after you actually felt bad about it and apologized.

I don’t think there’s a shelf time for “sorry”s.

And I also don’t think that’s it ever too late to apologize.

It is never too late to make it right.

At least I hope so.

I went through some traumatic shit, shit that I’m still trying to understand and something I forgave a long time ago, but something that still hurts me. I do not understand it completely and my mind is trying to protect me since it doesn’t reveal everything to me. It hides other stuff. That’s why I only remember small bits.

It was a long time ago.

And the person who did me wrong apologized abundantly already.

I am a very forgiving person, I might be mad for a couple of days but than it blows over.

The thing is with some events in our lives is that however good you are, however good you’re with your life at this point, there’s this part of you that might be missing. Part that wants to make it right and move past it.

It’s just there’s forgiving and moving on.

And there’s forgiving and standing still. When you never really got that “sorry”.

It’s not like I need people to apologize to me. I just feel that if you’ve done something bad to someone and you really regret it, that person didn’t deserve such a treatment from you — you should apologize.

It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 years or 20.

There’s a new life, a new beginning after you admit your fault.