First and foremost, I had to hammer these two things into my brain

I think in most cases we are following a path of wrong attitude towards certain things.

One of the stories I share pretty much everywhere (my podcast, my Medium profile, my Facebook account) is how much shit I had to deal with regarding men, how heartbreaking it was and how totally “the end of the world”.

When you’re young and slightly “stupid in love” everything seems like the end of the world. I couldn’t control my feelings, I didn’t know how to get rid of the pain in my chest, I didn’t know how to deal. That was an extremely difficult time in my life.

But then I grew up and it became clear to me that I had to change the way I look at things. Meaning:

1. Shit happens, people are shit sometimes. Doesn’t mean it’s about you. Most of the time it’s about them.
2. You (and I mean me) didn’t make mistakes, you and I DO mean me — learned lessons. Now you can go and act like it.

So those were the two things I had to drill and hammer into my brain.

I took time doing that, a lot of time. It was hard and it came with some more heartbreak. But I am here now, writing this and I realize how happy I am to not ask myself: “Does anyone really love me?”

I used to be this kid who was always preoccupied with people loving me, liking me, accepting me. I used to cry and say that nobody gives a shit, nobody cares. The thing is that I had to be the person who had to care and give a shit. About myself, about my well-being.

I didn’t love and accept myself.

Here are some powerful and simple ways to start loving yourself:

1. Whatever you do, do not make yourself feel bad because he / she cheated on you. Whatever you do, do not make yourself feel bad because they messed up. It is not your fault. You’re not the one who should feel bad.
2. You are unique and you are here on the Earth for a reason. But you do not need to know it right now. You have time to open yourself up to the world. Do what you like doing, chase your dreams & goals and don’t listen to your inner asshole of a voice telling you shit.
3. Stop the negative self-talk. You hear a shitty thought coming, you distract your mind and think of something nice: swans on the lake, your favorite flowers on the porch, playing with your dog in the yard.
4. Start caring about yourself. Not what other people think of you, not what you want them to think of you. Be caring, be patient, be compassionate to yourself. We all struggle in different ways and that’s ok to sometimes hate people. Make a step toward the happier you.
5. Dump that preoccupied, anxious, nervous brain of yours on the paper. It’s called stream of consciousness. Write for yourself as a form of therapy. Write about past, write about present, write about what you want your future to be. Write all the good things about your personality.
6. Say “no”. Don’t be rude but also do not make plans when you know you would invent a reason to not go right before you have to leave. “Most often, stress is caused by having too much to do and too little time to do it,” says Dr. Jacqueline Schaffer, a board-certified doctor in Los Angeles. “Reduce your workload, prioritize your to-do list, and manage your time more effectively. This requires you to say ‘no’ more often, and that’s perfectly ok!” After you say “no”, go do something you like with only your own company. Alone time with yourself is crucial at this time.
7. Baby steps. One day at a time. It gets better. Eventually.

It’s not someone’s love that you lack. It’s not someone’s love you should question. It’s yours. And when you love yourself, you will be loved back.

You should love yourself first. And believe me after all these years on Earth, when I finally feel like I am a person I could like and maybe love soon enough — I feel liberated. I feel like I am free from all that crap that society puts on people.

I almost feel blissful and happy to be exactly where I am right now. This doesn’t happen often, so I am taking full advantage of it.

• “Does anyone love me?”
• “Does it matter?”

If you love yourself enough, does it matter if someone loves you?

We do all need companionship and maybe an occasional snuggle, but maybe the first question we should ask ourselves is DO I LOVE ME?

And how I can love me more?

Love,

Natalie